I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
