hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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