they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
