the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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