we made out on top of his cat.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
