wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
