wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
