so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
