You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
