I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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