here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
