my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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