She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
