At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize