Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
