I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
