Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
