my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
