I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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