he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize