My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
