There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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