birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
