I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
