I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize