mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
