You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
