she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
