Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize