He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
