Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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