Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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