Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
