how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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