Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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