'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
