i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
