i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
