i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
