God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
