We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
