i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
