I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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