afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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