weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
