is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
