if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
