Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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