A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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