I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
