I saw his package. It spoke to me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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