I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
