I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize