Fuck appropriateness.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
