Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
