Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
