It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's blow job season.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
