Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
