After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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