I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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