Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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