You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
