pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
