it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
