i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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