i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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