Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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