so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
