how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
