there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
