Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
