She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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