she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
