Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
