I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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