Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
