So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
