bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
