This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
